TV Romance
All of Jessica Day’s Boyfriends on ‘New Girl,’ Ranked From Worst to Best
While New Girl featured some incredibly moving love stories, some of Jessica Day’s romantic choices brought a whole new meaning to the theme song’s question, “Hey, girl, whatcha doing?”
Throwing it all the way back to the beginning of the show, New Girl follows a quirky teacher named Jessica (Zooey Deschanel) who moves in with three single guys from Craigslist: an angsty bartender named Nick (Jake Johnson), an eccentric businessman who goes by Schmidt (Max Greenfield), and a former athlete they call Coach (Damon Wayans Jr.), who is quickly replaced by Winston “a.k.a. Winnie da Bish a.k.a.k.a Brown Lightning” (Lamorne Morris).
After seven seasons featuring plenty of True American, at least two cookies, one lionfish, and Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) levels of relationship drama, Jess finally settles down with “the one.” While we’re fairly certain that nobody is arguing with this endgame—Julius Pepperwood and Jessica Night fans unite!—we couldn’t help but look back at some of the relationships that led Jess to her endgame.
Without further ado, here are Jess’ boyfriends ranked from the absolute worst to, well, Nick Miller.
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7. Bearclaw
Sorry to all the Josh Gad lovers out there, but Jess’ longtime admirer Bearclaw (yes, that is his name) comes in at the bottom of our list. While Jess never truly “dated” Bearclaw, Nick accidentally gave her number to him instead of Andy, the guy she actually wanted to go out with. Whether it’s the incessant pining or the misplaced infatuation, Bearclaw gives off serious “nice guys finish last” energy, which completely gives us the ick— and we don’t take that word lightly.
6. Robby McFerrin
While Jess and Robby (Nelson Franklin) gave us an “Africa” rendition for the ages, he comes in at second to last in our ranking for one major reason: Jess and Robby are cousins. Having dated both Jess and CeCe (Hannah Simone), we learned quite a bit about Robby throughout New Girl, including the fact that he shares a gardener with Vin Diesel, and let’s just say that guy contains multitudes. Sorry, Bearclaw, that means that even Jess’ cousin ranks above you.
5. Ryan Geauxinue
To quote Abby Lee Miller, when it comes to Ryan (Julian Morris), all we have to say is: “You didn’t stick out to me.” Jess meets Ryan, a British science teacher, when he joins the faculty of her school. At the time, she is the vice principal, making their whole relationship a faux pas. While the couple ultimately broke up due to long-distance struggles, many believe Morris’ time on the show was cut short in order to open the door for another Jess and Nick reunion.
4. Sam Sweeney
Is real-life catfishing someone the best way to get into a relationship? No. But everyone make mistakes, including Jess, a.k.a. Katie, the name she took to convince Sam (David Walton) that she was the person he had been waiting for at the bar. While Sam and Jess may not have been made to last, their no-strings-attached relationship turned romantic involvement was quite sweet, putting him squarely in the middle of the pack.
3. Russell Schiller
Russell “Fancyman” Schiller (Dermot Mulroney) is Jess’ most iconic ex by far. Sure, Jess first met Russell in a parent-teacher setting, which we don’t love. But their relationship was incredibly formative when it comes to her actual best relationship. Plus, if Pedro Pascal taught us one thing in Materialists, it’s that an incredibly wealthy older guy will never not be sexy.
2. Paul Genzlinger
Our top non-endgame pick is Paul Genzlinger (Justin Long). Say what you will, but Jess and Genzlinger perfectly match each other’s freak. From their spontaneous musical numbers to their matching careers, Jess and Genzlinger were perfect together on paper. Maybe that’s why he ends up proposing to Jenn, a woman who looks eerily similar to Jess.
1. Nick Miller
Jess and Nick are not only the best couple in New Girl, they’re one of the greatest sitcom couples of all time. Sorry, Jim and Pam, this grumpy-sunshine duo has most certainly got you beat. From the first episode, when Jess moves in with Nick and his roommates, you can already tell that their chemistry is off the charts. The second that they finally kiss during the Season 2 episode “Cooler,” every other romantic possibility goes out the window. As many of her exes suspected, for Jess, all roads lead back to Nick. Our only wish is that it didn’t take her six seasons to figure that out.
