Reality TV
‘Survivor’s Parvati Shallow Shares Rare Details About Divorce From Contestant John Fincher
Described by Sarah Michelle Gellar as “a bible for badass women,” Parvati Shallow‘s new memoir, Nice Girls Don’t Win, is a must-read for reality TV fans.
On June 8, the Survivor and The Traitors alum published a tell-all memoir, chronicling everything that came out of her time on reality TV, from the unexpected effects of receiving a villain edit to the dark side of her showmance-turned-marriage with fellow Survivor contestant John Fincher.
Survivor contestants Shallow and Fincher were introduced in 2o13 by Ethan Zohn, a fellow Survivor alum. The couple wed in 2017, but their relationship ended four years later when Shallow filed for divorce from Fincher in August 2021. Little has been known about the reality stars’ breakup until now.
In her new memoir, Shallow revealed that she instantly fell for Fincher due to his lack of similarity to other Survivor contestants. “I always knew I could eat [other contestants] alive. But not Fincher; his self-assurance magnetized me,” she wrote, according to Parade. After a few years of dating, the couple wed, and soon after, Shallow found out she was pregnant with their daughter, Ama.
Monty Brinton / NBC
While their relationship was never smooth sailing, Shallow and Fincher didn’t agree on parenting. In her book, she claimed that after she gave birth, Fincher frequently left her alone to care for their baby herself. Knowing the effect a season of Survivor has on the body, she hoped that her husband would step up during and after her 2019 Survivor return. Unfortunately, he did not live up to her expectations.
By the time the 2020 pandemic rolled around, Shallow felt completely alone in her marriage. In her memoir, Shallow confessed that she became close to another man over Instagram. While his identity has not been confirmed, she refers to her mystery companion as “Lumberjack.” Her relationship with “Lumberjack” ended in May 2020 after Fincher found their messages on her phone.
Shallow’s digital connection did not cause Fincher to put an end to their marriage. Instead, it was Shallow who realized, “I have to get out of this marriage,” when her husband went back on a promise to cover a month of bills and rent. Looking back at her childhood, Shallow said that her relationship was “vaguely culty,” similar to the commune from which her parents escaped. While she questioned if a cult could consist of a single person, she explained, “I looked up the signs of how to know you’re in a cult and found a list that included: absolute authority with no accountability, zero tolerance of criticism or questioning, financial nondisclosure, no justifiable reason of people to leave, a belief that the leader is right all the time… The list went on, and it sounded a lot like my marriage.”
Turns out, while her relationship with “Lumberjack” came at the wrong time, it was the beginning of an enlightening realization that she deserved a lot better than the love she was receiving. “I know then that staying in my marriage would mean letting a part of myself die–the part of me that longed for real, honest love and partnership,” she said. “If I stayed, I would never know love. But if I left, at least I’d have a chance.”
She continued, “To fully live, I had to kill the dream I held so dear: my dream of a loving, nuclear family with this man. I didn’t care how much money it would cost me or how scary the process would be. I needed the possibility of real, honest love in my life.”
Nice Girls Don’t Win by Parvati Shallow is available now.
