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‘The Ultimatum’ Queer Vs. Straight Versions Showdown: Breaking Down 6 Key Differences
If you’ve binged both versions of The Ultimatum—the OG straight one and the glorious sapphic chaos of The Ultimatum: Queer Love—you might’ve noticed something: the queer version hits different. Like, messier, deeper, gayer (duh), and way more emotionally unhinged in the best possible way.
But why is it so different, especially when the format is the same? How does the female energy transform the experience? We’re breaking it down—drama, dynamics, U-Haul energy, and all.
1. More options = more chaos
On both versions of The Ultimatum, you’ve got six couples. For the straights, this means the women have five other men to choose from and vice versa. But for The Ultimatum: Queer Love, we’ve got six sapphic couples. So instead of five options outside their partner, each person has 10. Yeah, that’s double the amount—we can do maths. This gives them a lot more choice and a much higher chance of finding a real match. It’s also basically the opposite of real life, where it can feel like you’ve got way fewer options as a queer person compared to the straight population.
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This setup means someone can genuinely find a trial partner they’re into, rather than settling, as many straight couples do. We get fewer platonic pairings—except for Britt and Marita this season, who still managed to bring some romantic energy. No wonder so many of these couples end up throwing around the L-word after, like, 11 days.
It also adds the delicious possibility of two people dating the same person. We saw this in Season 1 when both Lexi and Rae were into Vanessa—before she became Lexi’s #1 enemy. And in Season 2, both Bridget and Kyle crushed on Pilar—cue the internet’s collective scream: THROUPLE?!
Mia, 25, was one of those people reveling in the throuple potential and overall mess. “It’s such a sapphic thing to be attracted to the person your ex is with now,” they laugh. “Like, not only do you miss them and feel jealous, but you’re also like low-key jealous of who they’re with? It’s so f*cked up, for real.”
2. U-Haul energy
Okay, this is 100% a stereotype—but it’s a stereotype for a reason. While not always the case, it is common enough in queer relationships to feel like canon. Just look at Magan and Dayna, who are on The Ultimatum after a year and a half of dating. That’s right, Dayna not only wants to be married already, but she’s issued an actual ULTIMATUM to get there and signed up for a reality showto prove it.
But hey, balance: You’ve also got Haley and Pilar going on 10 years, which is very non–U-Haul of them.
The point is: Sapphic relationships tend to move like the 200cc race in Mario Kart. A lot can happen in that three-week trial marriage—way more than we typically see in the straight edition. For most straight couples, the trial marriage is a vibe check. For the queers? It’s basically a honeymoon.
Dayna and Mel hooked up, made a sex playlist, got matching tattoos, and had serious convos about raising kids. IN. THREE. WEEKS.
Julie, 33, watches both versions of The Ultimatum, but despite being straight and married, prefers the queer version. “The queer one was probably more fun to watch because nearly all of them hooked up with each other, and I love the drama,” she explains. “It’s so messy, it’s like a train wreck I can’t stay away from.”
Sapphics move fast. So that three-week trial marriage? That’s like three months in straight-world time.
3. Personality > physique
Florentine, 26, is queer and normally avoids reality TV, but makes an exception for The Ultimatum: Queer Love. “I don’t watch reality TV in general, because I’ve become too irked by the gender inequality, the way women are treated and perceived, and the lack of depth,” she explains. “But because it’s lesbian, the conversations are often less about physique and more about personality matches.”
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Within the queer community, there’s often an unspoken “type” expectation—masc or femme, top or bottom—but The Ultimatum: Queer Love beautifully disrupted that. Haley was attracted to Pilar and then to Magan, two very different people. It wasn’t framed as a big shift—it was just natural attraction.
The cast also shows more body diversity than we typically see in straight reality TV. That’s reflected in the real-life queer community, too. This writer is bisexual and best described as “soft and squishy”—something she’s felt celebrated for by women, and merely tolerated by men.
Queer contestants rarely choose based on looks alone. Their physical intimacy often follows emotional intimacy, not the other way around. They don’t talk about who’s “hot”—they connect. Even the two most buzzed-about contestants, Mel and AJ, were more masc-presenting and simple in style. Meanwhile, the straights took to X (formerly Twitter) wondering why Marita—blonde, slim, femme—wasn’t more popular.
4. Getting vulnerable
Another reason Florentine can stomach The Ultimatum: Queer Love? The vulnerability. “It shows awkward moments. They seem uncomfortable being filmed in vulnerable situations, which makes it so much more human and normal,” she shares. “It’s more like watching people you could be friends with, instead of a very fake vibe.”
It’s wild how quickly people open up on the queer version. And yes, fair is fair—the straight version has its tender moments, too. Remember Season 1 when Jake and Rae left their long-term partners and booked flights they never used? Iconic.
But there’s just something uniquely open about WLW (women-loving-women) dynamics. You’re talking childhood trauma before you’re even naked. Don’t get us started on queer pillow talk.
We saw it in Season 1 when Mel got real about her uncertainty around having kids. Magan talked about her sexuality and how it impacted her relationship with her family. Ashley opened up about surviving abuse. We cried, y’all. Like, actual tears.
This extreme intimacy probably isn’t healthy, but it is powerful. It makes for incredible reality TV and makes you actually care. These aren’t just hot people hooking up (cough, Too Hot to Handle, Love Island, Perfect Match). These are little queers like us, navigating love and life and being brave enough to do it on camera.
5. Power and communication
In the straight version of The Ultimatum, gender norms often dictate who leads, who holds emotional control, and who folds first. But in Queer Love, those dynamics are way more fluid. Sometimes both people in a couple are dominant. Or avoidant. Or deeply emotional. Which means instead of one person taking the reins, you often get a full-on power struggle. Exhibit A: Magan and Dayna’s nuclear-level blowup at the end of their trial marriage—yikes.
Without those rigid gender roles, queer couples have to figure out power dynamics in real time. It’s not “the guy proposes,” it’s “who’s emotionally ready, who’s emotionally available, and who’s emotionally in the driver’s seat?”
Lara, 34, watches both versions of the show but says she’s learned more from Queer Love—even as a straight, single woman. “I remember being so surprised by how they communicate,” she shares. “Like, yeah, it’s messy, it’s reality television. But they discuss things. They know their attachment styles. They talk about how a fight made them feel. Honestly, it changed my standards for straight men.”
One moment that really stood out: When the other contestants were coming for AJ, accusing her of being there for the wrong reasons, Britney defended her immediately. She probably didn’t love hearing about her girlfriend’s flirtiness or past player energy, but she didn’t hesitate to speak up for her partner’s character.
Or take the post–trial marriage chaos, when Dayna was exploding and Britney gently suggested she come at it a little more calmly. Like… maybe we just love Britney? Maybe it’s not the show, it’s her?
Queer couples don’t usually see physical slip-ups as dealbreakers. They see them as hurdles, tough but survivable. And they talk through everything. Sometimes it’s emotionally grounded and healthy. Sometimes it’s… kind of a lot. But that’s also what makes The Ultimatum: Queer Love so compelling. These people are talking. Like, a lot.
6. Marriage as “proof”
Look, this shouldn’t be the case—but sometimes, it is. A thread that runs through a lot of the queer contestants’ reasoning for wanting to get married is about validation. About showing the world their relationship is real, committed, legit.
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Sure, straight couples want commitment, too, but the stakes just feel different here. Marriage isn’t just a next step; it’s a way to prove your love is not a phase. To tell your family, and maybe your younger self, that you did find true love. That there’s nothing to hide. That love is beautiful, and yours deserves to be seen.
People in the straight Ultimatum have solid reasons for issuing ultimatums — if you can ever call an ultimatum “solid” — but honestly? It doesn’t compare to the emotional weight the queer contestants are carrying. We’re not just watching drama. We’re watching queer love—flawed, feral, heartfelt, and real—on a massive streaming platform. And that alone feels like a win.
Let us know in the comments whether you prefer The Ultimatum or The Ultimatum: Queer Love!
The Ultimatum: Queer Love, Season 2, Streaming Now, Netflix
