Exclusive Interview

‘The Ultimatum’s Hayley Hendrich Dives Into Blake & Ashley Moments You Didn’t See

Season 4 of The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On took a wild turn when Hayley Hendrich spotted vulgar messages about herself and Ashley Wilson in a group chat between Killian Grondin and his friends. The messages from Killian’s friends, which compared Killian’s trial wife (Hayley) and girlfriend (Ashley), and threatened Hayley, instigated a major falling out between Hayley and her boyfriend, Blake Robertson, and their trial partners, Killian and Ashley.

Following the first drop of Season 4, Hayley sat down with Swooon to reveal what really happened behind the scenes with Killian’s group chat, including how she spotted the messages, the context behind his “modesty comment,” and why she believes that he would have partnered with Alex Johnsen if she and Jebin John had not been kicked out of the experiment before the trial marriages.

Hayley also dives into the reality of her trial marriage with Blake, their relationship ahead of the show, and why she felt misrepresented by the season, which showed her starting arguments with Blake for seemingly no reason. Scroll to read Hayley’s full chat with Swooon ahead of the finale and reunion. (Plus, check out Swooon‘s conversation with Ashley Wilson to hear her perspective on the season’s drama.)

Note: This conversation was held before reports about Blake Robertson’s post-season arrest surfaced.

Swooon: Tell me more about how you and Blake met.

Hayley Hendrich: I was finishing up my senior year of college. I was a nanny for five kids all throughout college, and also after nannying during the day, I was a bartender and a server at this Italian restaurant. Blake’s dad and his stepmom would always come in, and they were looking for a nanny for 10 days, and I was like, “Oh yeah, sure. I do this all the time. I’m very experienced.” Then, they had me come over and meet the kids. During that time, I met Blake, and I could totally tell he was flirting with me, and I was like, “Okay, this has to be professional.” So then he was trying to pursue something with me while I was on the job. I was like, “No. I’m sorry. I can’t. That’s not right.”

We stayed in touch because we had each other’s numbers, and so I would ask him if I had something for school, because I was finishing up college, if he could help me out or whatever the case was. A month later, he asked me on a date, and I was like, “I’m not sure.” And then I ended up running into him at one of [his parents’] events because they own a business, and the restaurant that I worked at, we catered it, and so I ran into him. That day, he told me like 100 reasons why he wanted to take me on a date, and I was like, “Okay, if you’re that desperate. Fine, we can go.” After that day, we were inseparable, and we went out literally every single day after that.

Swooon: That is quite the meet-cute. What was your hesitancy about getting married, since he’s the one who gave the ultimatum?

Hayley: I was hesitant just because I was so young. Well, I am so young. But I was 23 at the time, and for me, I was like, “Okay, I just graduated college. I have no business getting married right now. You and I have been together for a year and a half. We have so much time.” Also, Blake was very — not that he wasn’t emotional. I feel like the show keeps saying he’s just not an emotional person. I think it’s more of like his space for emotions. He never knew how to hold space for me, or if I brought something up, it would be turned around. I would never be able to express myself, and there was never healthy communication whenever it came to just emotions and emotional vulnerability.

So that was a really, really big issue that we had, along with the [lack of] thoughtfulness and the lack of — I don’t want to say like lack of empathy, but more just not taking initiative, you know? And so that can make someone feel lonely in a relationship and not seen, not heard, not validated. That was mainly what we struggled with.

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Swooon: Let’s dive into your trial marriage with Killian, which was quite the whirlwind. When was the first time something felt off during your trial marriage?

Hayley: I want to say it felt off the first day because right at the start of the first day [when] we had gotten our phones back, he immediately started texting Ashley. I was like, “Okay, this is interesting.” It was like that immature type of mentality, “Well, if he’s going to do it, then I’m going to do it too, you know?” And so that’s how I ended up texting Blake, and it was a snowball effect after that, and just basically a s**tshow. But yeah, I’d say the first day, honestly.

Swooon: We saw all four of you block your exes during that late-night moment. When did the unblocking start after that?

Hayley: Blake had kept me blocked for the most part. At one point, towards the end of the trial marriage with Killian, him and I unblocked each other.  I want to say like a few days after, if not one to two days, Killian and Ashley unblocked each other. But I want to give them credit where it’s due. They probably blocked each other for like a day or two, like no speaking.

Swooon: Then we have to talk about the group chat, which you saw off-camera. I would love to know more about how and when you saw his phone with those messages.

Hayley: We were in the van waiting to go inside the restaurant to meet my aunt. We had just gotten into an argument earlier that morning about him texting Ashley. I was like, “Dude, can you just stop?” Because Blake and I, we were not texting, and so I was sitting there in the van, just in pure silence, looking around. He was on his phone, and I was like, “Oh, what’s he up to?” I mean, that’s probably wrong for me to be so nosy and invade his privacy like that, but I am glad I did. I looked over to see if he was texting Ashley, because I usually could tell by the contact photo if he was texting Ashley or not. And so then I looked, and I was like, “Oh, it’s a group chat. What’s going on?” I scooted in closer, and he had his sunglasses on, so I guess he didn’t see that I was like very close to him at that point, and I was just reading the messages. I saw what I saw, and I was fuming. I was like, “Oh my gosh, why? I have to take a picture of this because I don’t want anyone to say that I’m lying.” You can easily delete messages.

The messages that I read, I was like, “That is absolutely disgusting and so degrading. No man should ever talk about a woman like that.” And they all had girlfriends.

Swooon: How many people were in the chat?

Hayley: It was two others, and yeah, they all had girlfriends. I was like, “Why the hell are they talking like that?” And so I was just really upset. I asked to get out of the car and go take a breather. I asked one of the producers, and then after that, that’s when you see me yelling at him.

Swooon: Did he see you seeing the texts or taking a picture of them?

Hayley: No, he had no idea.

Swooon: What about that comment about having sex with you if you weren’t so modest? When did that happen?

Hayley: That was the first week of our trial marriage. We were in the room. He was lying down. I was lying across the bed. We were just having a pretty deep conversation. He was opening up to me about Ashley’s family and Ashley and his relationship dynamic. So then I started opening up because I didn’t want him to feel like he was just dumping on me. There were conversations about private things with him and Ashley, and that’s when it got brought up, because we were talking about how Ashley was upset and didn’t want him to pick Alex [Johnsen] because Alex looks like one of his ex-girlfriends that he would text while him and Ashley were together, or something along those lines. Take that with a grain of salt. I don’t know verbatim what that situation was.

So then he was like, “Oh, Hayley, if you weren’t so modest, I would have f**ked you or whoever. It was shortly after the Alex conversation, and so I blew it off because I was like, “Oh, he’d been drinking. I’m just gonna take it with a grain of salt. Not really read into it.”

After that conversation, I was walking to the bathroom, and he goes, “Oh, Hayley, I just adore you. If I didn’t have a girlfriend…” And I was like, “Do not say that to me.” And so after that, I was like, “Okay, this is getting weird.” It just felt very, kind of like, icky, in my opinion. I was treading lightly because I was like, “Okay, let’s give him grace. He had been drinking. If he says anything like that, like more and more and more, I’m obviously gonna have to set stronger boundaries and more strict boundaries.” But it was pretty much fine after that.

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Swooon: Do you think he would have chosen Alex as his trial marriage partner if she and Jebin hadn’t left the experiment?

Hayley: I think if Ashley didn’t express that she was upset, probably.

Swooon: You mentioned that Killian was drunk during the conversation about modesty. Do you think that’s why he doesn’t remember it, or is he not being truthful about whether it happened?

Hayley: I think both could be true. I’m not sure if he actually doesn’t remember it because how could you not? He wasn’t wasted. At least, I couldn’t tell if he was wasted or not… It was a very cognitive, very level-headed conversation. So I don’t know. I can’t really speak on that. I do feel like he’s not being truthful, especially because he doesn’t even seem confident. Because he goes from “I never said that” to “Maybe I could have said that” to “I’m 95% sure I didn’t say that.” There’s no consistency.

Swooon: Did Killian say anything else that made you uncomfortable aside from the group chat and the modesty comments?

Hayley: Him and I were actually the only couple who slept in the same bed. No one else did. And there was this one time where I was asleep, and I woke up, and he was holding my hand and rubbing my hand, and I had told Ashley about that because I thought that was very weird and odd, just because of the physical intimacy. Like, absolutely not. I had a very strong boundary about that, hence my conversation with Blake early on in the show.

Even his comment on the show, like, “Oh, I don’t know why Hayley and I haven’t kissed yet.” I was just very confused. I didn’t know what the motive was. I guess I didn’t know if he was actually wanting to pursue something in that sense or whatever the case was. But yeah, it was very odd.

Swooon: Walk me through explaining these things to Ashley. Did you expect her to react the way she did?

Hayley: Honestly, I did expect her to react the way that she did, just because of the dynamic that we had on the show. What it didn’t show is that Ashley and I were on really, really good terms at the beginning. I would stand my ground for her, defend her to no end, and then behind the scenes, I started seeing a different side to her. And granted, her and I are friends now. We’ve talked about everything. Everything is very transparent in that sense, and I told her that I was going to speak honestly about what I saw in the show, and it has nothing to do with our friendship now, because I’ve experienced a totally different side to her. But I did start to see a different side to the dynamic between her and Killian.

The show did not show at all when things went south. Ashley and I could not stand each other. We got in multiple fights. It was just not a good situation between all of us. In regard to her acting the way that she did about the things that I expressed, I did expect it because when you’re in that position and you’re in that environment… the only comfortable thing that you have is your partner, and so you’re gonna take their word over somebody else’s, which I completely understand because I did the same thing.

 

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Swooon: Was there anything from your trial marriage with Killian that you were able to bring into your time with Blake?

Hayley: Honestly, maybe just trying to give grace where it’s due, or even if it’s not due. I feel like carrying yourself with grace and poise is important. Granted, that is not how I carried myself a lot of the time on the show, but that is what I stand for and how I really am. I feel like it was a bit hard to translate what I learned and all of that into my trial marriage with Blake, because it was a similar situation in a sense. Blake and Killian are similar in a lot of ways in terms of accountability.

I was insecure about our relationship, and how unstable it was, and how unstable it made me feel. I think I was trying to find comfort in somebody who obviously wasn’t willing to give that to me. And I’m very grateful — I’m religious — I think God put me in that situation for a reason because He isolated me in my trial marriage with Killian. Like Killian was not there for me at all, and so because of that, I would seek out Blake, and Blake was not willing to be there for me at all. I was seeking out that reassurance and that comfortability. It forced me to really sit with myself and reevaluate myself, and why I was feeling the way that I’m feeling, and it essentially came down to self-worth and self-respect. I did not have a lot of that in that moment, which stemmed a lot from my relationship with Blake even prior. I feel like I definitely learned to be where my feet are.

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Swooon: We saw quite a few arguments between you and Blake during your trial marriage. Was there anything you would have done differently?

Hayley: I don’t think the context was shown. Actually, I know that the context wasn’t shown. A lot of the time, it just showed Blake being very passive and my reaction. It was very zero to 100 all the time. But the conversation at the coffee shop, he was asking me, “What do you like to do for fun?” and saying, “Oh, let’s do an icebreaker,” and I’m like, “Icebreaker for what? You and I have been together for X amount of time. Why do we need to have an icebreaker?” That made me feel really insecure about our relationship.

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What they didn’t show is that I was feeling so insecure because, whenever we got back together, I had seen Blake’s journal, and he was like, I say fantasizing, and maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but he was basically fantasizing about a relationship with Ashley, and so for me, that made me feel very unsteady, and I didn’t feel like I actually knew who Blake was during our trial marriage.

The conversation on the couch— the context was not shown at all. We were arguing about church because I was trying to pick a church for us to go to that we both would like, and he just wanted me to go to the church he wanted to go to, and he wasn’t being considerate or compromising with me on what we should do. Then, he had said that he was gonna plan a date because we had a dark day. He was gonna plan a day for us to go do stuff, and he didn’t plan anything. And I was like, “Okay, well, I just feel like there’s just no effort. This is the time where we’re supposed to work on our relationship, work on ourselves, and you’re just being inconsiderate essentially.” There was a conversation leading up to that. It wasn’t just zero to 100; that’s very unrealistic. So I wish more context was shown in regard to the arguments, for sure.

The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On, Season 4, Episodes 1-8, Streaming Now, Netflix

The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On, Season 4, Episodes 9-10, July 22, Netflix

If you or someone you know is the victim of domestic abuse, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233.